Have you ever noticed how you manage to accumulate all manner of junk in the garage? Nothing gets thrown away - It'll come in handy one day. I'm a compulsive 'accumulator'. I'm also in a better position to accumulate than most. Running a custom shop, people are always bringing strange objects in to sell me. If I've got any spare dosh, seemingly useless objects change hands. Toady, somebody sold me a Victorian fireplace. I don't have a fire! I bought a ride-on mower that doesn't go. I've got a five ton armoured car. Some machine guns. A 10,000 bhp jet fighter engine. A helicopter engine. An ambulance. A huge train set. A five ton mobile lifting gantry. The list goes on and on. All stuff I don't need, but I had some money burning a hole in my pocket. Still, it'll come in handy one day. Which brings me to the trike.
Yes, you guessed it. It was built out of stuff that, for a change, really did come in handy. In fact, the only part I had to buy specially, was the remote brake servo. And boy does it need it! The engine is a Big-Block Buick. I bought it because I thought it would come in handy; the original intention was to build a hot rod. It says 300-2 on the rocker covers, so we presumed it was 300 cubic inches, or about 5000cc. Wrong. It means 300 brake horsepower, the actual capacity being 7,200cc. I wasn't told this until it was on the road - I thought it pulled quite well. It's good for 180mph and it's tuned to the eyeballs. As my mate Howard told someone after going out on the back 'You don't need a seatbelt. Your arsehole grips the seat!'
The first time I took it out it had eight slashcut unbaffled pipes, 9" long. It rewarded me with a fuel consumption of 3mpg! Now it's running right, it will do at least 6mpg (on a run). It's the largest engined trike ever built in this country. The engine alone weighs a quarter of a ton. There's a V12 Jag buzzing around up north, but that's only about 5.5 litre.
Acceleration is phenomenal. It tries to rip the brake shoes out of the rear axle. On the first ride up the road, I nearly went through a wall when I put my foot down and the throttle jammed. Bloody auto-boxes. It had a slight tendency to oversteer, which did nothing for my confidence. A rework of the front end cured that. 1 hate huge radiators up front, so I tucked this one behind the rear seat. The water exits the front of the motor and is pumped down the lower frame rails. The frame gets bloody hot. Twin electric fans (which I found under the bench...knew they'd come in handy one day) keep the temperature at an acceptable level. This trike was built on a tight budget, hence the 'Camo' paint, left over from another project. I broke a golden rule on this one. Most of it was built in works hours, the size of the project being too daunting to contemplate doing in the evening, after a full day building other peoples' trikes. What to build next? The DeHaviland jet engine's just sitting there. The fighter it came out of weighed 16 tons and climbed vertically at 680mph. Now that would be handy!

THANKS TO: All at Desperate Dan's. My son Matt, Oz The Geordie northern git, and Flavell, the king of the potato people, and Howard from up the road who went with me on the test run.
ENGINE: Buick Starfire V8, 7,200cc.
GEARBOX: GM 2-speed auto.
RADIATOR: Buick, stretched 6" and re-cored to race specs.
REAR AXLE: Jaguar XJ6.
PROPSHAFT: Buick/Rover V8 9" long.
FORKS: Desperate Dan leading link, with extra pair of shockers.
FRONT WHEEL: Toyota MR2.
FRONT HUB: Desperate Dan 25mm spindle, 4 ball bearings.
FRAME: 15" tube, by you know who (DD). EXHAUST: 8 into 8, with VW mutes, surprisingly quiet STEERING COLUMN: An old bike chain from under the bench. SERVO: (Operating on rear brakes only). Girling. Cost 160 bloody quid!
REAR WHEELS: Shadow Racing.
REAR TYRES: Mega-bucks, 150mph rated.
MACHINE GUNS: Browning .303, Bren .303, and they're not replicas.

On a final note, thanks to Alastair and Steve at BSH, who I blagged the wheels off a few years ago when I was building my twin-Rover V8 Jet assisted trike. They paid for four of these monster wheels 'cause it had two Jag rear axles. Tight gits made me buy my own tyres; kin £680 The trike was up and running. 16 cylinders, 7,000cc and 1 ton of jet engine. 1 got bored with it and cut it up. Still. i knew they would come in handy one day!

Words Chris Ireland
Pictures Gary Stuart