Hello Folks, i have just read about the web site in Back Street Heroes, depression eh!, a matter which i have had some experience of, i cant say that what happened to me will be anything like what others have had or may currently be experiencing, and i am not going to suggest that the things that i say, or the recommendations that i make are going to be any good to anyone else, but i can tell you this, they work for me and i can also say that once i had taken the journey through depression and come through it, and taken time to consider it all, i know in my own mind that some of the things i have done through life contributed to this painful condition.

I am only 1 paragraph through this tale and already i can feel the tears start to well up for some reason , i dont know why this is, i am certainly no longer depressed, perhaps it is because i am forcing myself to remember and re-experience some pain, i dont know.

You may not read this tale, or you may read it and think it is rubbish, it doesnt matter, this story is my story, i'm sorry if it rambles on a bit, i feel that it needs the detail in order for it to be understood, i,m not particularly well known in the biking world, but some people will be able to identify me from this story, i have been a nice bloke and i have been a horrible bastard, please dont think that this tale is being told by the local vicar, or some do gooder or someone with a political adjenda, i am an ordinary bloke and its just how it was for me. 

I have always had bikes, my first one was when i was around 14 years old, an old BSA it was, and i went along the canal for about 5 miles to the home of my then new girlfiend, and now wife of some 24 years to take her a birthday card for her 13th Birthday, and so through my teens, an FS1E at 16, an RD250 at 17, passed my test and a CB750/4 followed by my first of many Triumph Bonnevilles, along with the bikes come the faces, you get intoduced to various things, and at about 18 years old my first experience with drugs, it started with canabis, then it moved to the chemicals, speed, blues, then powder, and finally on the acid and mushrooms, we loved it all, we though we were the ones, but there lies the root of it all, you will read articles in the papers stating that canabis is low risk, and that it does little harm, and does not lead on to anyting heavier, this is bollocks, it will lead on to one of the nastiest things that you will ever put into your body and your brain, drugs will fuck you up, i am telling you, so in my opinion, DO NOT DO DRUGS, the people that will try to tell you that it is all a good laugh are talking shit, there is a fine balance in nature and in life, if you upset the balance you will pay for it somewhere else, rule No 1 for me, DO NOT TAKE DRUGS.

The biking lifestyle introduced me to the seedier side of life, i started by thieving here and there and i stole a couple of bikes, i did some shitty things to quite a few people, we were quite a large group of bikers and we felt powerful, people got beaten and scooters got smashed, i didn't care too much, but now i look back on it, its the same old thing, upseting the balance of life, you take on one hand, then be prepared to receive!, it may not come back at you straight away, but come back it will, you shit on people, you will be shat on in return, i didnt always treat my beautiful wife in the way that she deserved, i was a prick. rule No 2 for me , HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR FELLOW HUMAN.

I dropped out of scene for a few years, i had bikes, but changed my associations, i did the descent thing and got a job, a few years later i signed up to become a teritorial Soldier i was moving on, but then the depression got me, bang, i didnt know what it was, in the end others could see the change in me, and off to the doctor i went, i remember explaining to him that i felt as though the bandwidth of my personality had been squashed flat, i felt so bad, and i cried alot, he diagnosed me with clinical deprssion and i was prescribed medication.

My depression was bad, i cannot explain how bad it feels, if you have had the good fortune to have never experienced it you are fortunate indeed, if you look at it as a problem like any other, you might say that you should think about the depression and decide what you should do about it, people who suffer will know that depression is bigger than the mental capacity to consider it, it is like asking a child to consider the universe, it is so vast and all consuming and all powerful and dominating.

The first medication that i received didnt suit me, i felt remote and as if i was seeing the world though a pane of glass, i told the doctor so and the medication was changed, it took a few weeks, but i began to function better, this was the start of my road to good mental health, rule No 3 for me , SEEK HELP. TELL YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.

For me the depression was under control, but by no means had it gone away, i suffered many deep relapses over the next few years and was prescribed counciling, which i have to say did help a little, but was not going to cure me. For me time was the healer, i came to terms with my depression, and fought it for around 15 years i recon, gradualy becoming stronger, i found that i began to have a sense of what was right and what was wrong,i also found that if i carried out act of wrong or evil, then i would indeed pay the price, i bagan to realise that the often stated phrase of "reap what you sew" was indeed true for me, i think that depression may be a way of telling you that what you are doing is not the right thing, i feel that i have been steered by this illness, it has steered me away from those who might lead me down the wrong path, and i have found the right path for me, i can certainly say that i am clear of depression and have been so for about 8 years or so, but i know that it can always creep up me again if i dont do the right thing, i try to be a good human being and as i write this, it works for me.

Another thing which has also helped me is a nutural medication called St John's Wort, but dont buy the cheap stuff available be mail order, in my experience the best brand is manufactured as "Herb Tech", i use the 300mg capsules, these are available from the Holland & Barratt chain, i take 3 each day. If you try these start off at one each day and build up, dont take more than 3. If you come off them, reduce down gradually, i have been taking these for many years, my doctor has told me that have no side effects and can do no harm, try them! they work for me.

All in all i now consider my depression to have been a lesson in life and i can say in honesty that i think that i am a better person for having experienced it, i know that may not be the message that you accept if you are suffering now,but i guarrantee you this, if you dont do drugs, you try to be a good person and share your problem you can come through it, the world will be there waiting for you to return to it, life is good, enjoy it. I have to say that i would not have beaten depression if it was not for the support of my family and especially my wife, so thanks to them.