Pauls Story
Submitted by Paul TT


Well many of you will have seen the link I started .
 
I hope it has been a catalyst for others to consider their own position.
 
The purpose of this short note is really a present diary position for me.
 
I'm ahead of the game with most of you guys.
 
I've been through the crying in bed at night , crying cos I didn't want to go into office or deal with clients etc. I guess I went the extra mile and got to the stage where my body and mind shut down when I went into hospital. The consultant likened it to a fuse which had tripped and I shut down for months until I was ready to come around again.
 
It really pisses you off when people try to be sympathetic or 'understand' what you're going through. They don't and everyone is different. Recognising youhave a problem is first step to getting sorted - and having the ability to 'give in ' and allow your body to recover naturally . Why is it we're happy with a x ray of a broken leg to understand a problem but think of a mental problem as something of a failure. I think the important thing is accepting the position and whatever life thows at you. I have had real issues with my kids - but have decided as late teenagers they can't rule my life and they must make their own mistakes as I did at their age.
 
I'm 40 days clean of meds and in 2 weeks am off to my '2nd home' of Thailand with my wife for a break. I'm lucky to still have her - in addtion to being ill for several eyars I have been no saint  and she knows what went on. Planning on meeting up with Chris whilst out there as he is filming there at same time  -now that will be surreal.
 
I found when recovering I did well to take a plunge and go and work abroad for a while - just to get back into the swing of things before I had to face cleints and tell them why I baled out and left them in the lurch with work. To  a person they were toally sympathetic and gave me work immediately - without asking questions . Now that made me feel good.
 
I was suicidal for quite a while . A very wise friend of mine Odgie said - How to test to find whether your mission on earth is finished - if you are here it isn't -
 
Now that is worth thinking about. I'm clean on everything and even joined the gym - now that is something quite bizarre for me .
 
Now off meds lost a load of weight.
 
Yes I still get a little thrill thinking of jumping as I walk over London Bridge each day - but it is now a thrill of a past memory - not a desire to top myself now. Pleas take everything one hour at a time - then one day . No matter what happens in life never look more thanone day ahead - i have found that works.
 
Now to lighten things - shoudl I take Chris for a proper Thai massage or a dodgy one !!!. And will he appreciate the cultural benefits of the G spot club and hollywood in Nana Plaza Bangkok !!!

(Yoda's Note)
Paul also sent this in seperate to the story but it is a worthy article

I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a
while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.

I believe-
that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.

I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I believe-
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
The world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
and just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.

I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.

I believe-
that credentials on the wall
Do not make you a decent human being.

I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
Are taken from you too soon.

Send this to all the people YOU BELIEVE in.