Gabriel's story

Sadly, as a child, i had rather unusual relatives, my birth father was a woman and child abuser, at a very young age (but still young enough to remember) i saw my mom's nose broken, black eyes, thick lips, bruises etc appearing after regular arguements, i saw my baby sister being boarded up into her cot on several occations and having to change her nappies etc for her because "father" wouldnt do it for hours on end while mom was working and found myself being hurled down the stairs, beaten, and locked into the storage cupboard quite regularly.
In addition to this my "uncle" (on my fathers side) had a taste for young boys and i found myself somewhat compromised several times, when i eventually had the courage to tell my mom she didnt believe me, the only thing that convinced her was a rash that developed, that was the final straw on my mothers part and we escaped late one night when "father" was working.

We then moved into a womens protection shelter which was by no means safe, due to the events that had taken place i was already a very antisocial child suffering from a form of agorophobia, i was afraid to go anywhere without my mother by my side and thats if she could get me to go out of my room and my sister had developed a hearing problem whereby all of sudden she literally just went deaf, as our familly were getting comfortable and my mom was finding the courage to go out again my mom met my now step dad,he had followed her around for three months before my mom would even talk to him let alone date, but i had become a very angry and temperamental child who was at best "difficult" rejecting any form of actual interaction and preferred to take things apart just to see how they worked, this just develloped into an antisocial behavior disorder which i had to go into therapy for, during this time in therapy i had actually grown to like my step dad and eventually my antisocial behavior issues were leaving me and my sisters hearing was also gradually returning.

My step father managed to find us a nice little house to live just as i was starting junior school the estate we moved to was populated mostly by asian famillys and i was one of only two white children in the entire school, this to no supprise lead to me being bullied most of the way through jrs and caused recurring lapses to my behaviour and agorophobia, this eventually turned me into a very rebellious boy, after a while my mom and dad found us a new house in a white dominated area for my last year of jrs but with me being rebellious and antisocial i found myself having problems with bullying here aswell and by this point i was a little coward causing destruction to everything i touched but people this pretty much worked all the way through seniors aswell.

When i was around thirteen years old my grandad had taken me under his wing, trying to turn my need for hands on action into something constructive and put me to work in a factory, i found myself sweeping, cleaning and doing fiddly little jobs with springs and chunks of wood for 20 pounds a week and because i had showed such dedication and recovery my grandad baught me a 125cc offroad scrambler which i used to race the hell out of at a little track not far from the factory, but one day during a race one of my team mates had come off his bike just after a double jump on a dirt track and i came over the double jump at quite a pace, couldnt stop my bike in mid air, and landed on him and his bike causing him a major spinal injury and putting him in a chair for the rest of his life and keeping me off bikes for many years but not stopping my interest in them.

After leaving school i joined the army for a while and spent some time in the sand, i had to leave due to a medical condition i had developed while out there which leaft me physically incapable of active service untill i had made a full recovery needless to say i never went back instead i turned to alternative music the "rock" scene found small jobs in agencies, i was living my life to the full, drinking heavilly taking an interest in extreme life i even managed to get on the back of a friends bike and although pillion enjoyed some races and rallies.

I eventually got a girlfriend i thaught i could stay with for more than a month and at the young age of 20 married her, at the age of 21 we got pregnant and had a beautifull son whom i am proud of to this day but by his first birthday we had already split up, i had been working all hours god could send to try to pay bills, keep the famillies head above water and to make sure my son had always got the best i could give him but due to the time spent away and concentrating on my son my wife had an affair, i moved out after 2 weeks of arguements and in realisation that she hadnt split with her lover but i didnt react in a violent manner, in reflexion i didnt and still dont want my son to even know the pain and struggles i went through nor have a woman suffer at my hands, i then moved into my grandads house, in light of me and my wife splitting i had a nervous breakdown and was incapable of leaving the house to work, drink or have any interaction with the general public for nearly a year.

When i finally plucked the strength to leave the house and look for work i decided to turn myself into something usefull and started working voluntarilly teaching young offenders and people with learning difficulties core computer skills via the medium of gaming, i got them writing word documents using excel and even writing their own cv's to get them into work, i then found myself a new woman thirteen years my senior and a blessing in disguise, but sadly due to lack of funding the company had to shut down and i went into work selling mobile phones but my need for adventure and to do something constuctive faught me all the way not to mention the depression and caused arguements with my girlfriend aswell as causing problems at work, eventually i left both behind.

I then started a buisness selling mythical and majical items, anything from incense sticks to dragons on the markets and got a new woman 7 years my senior all was well for a few months finding some of my old friends on the rock and bike scene's making new ones on the way, but still suffering from manic depression was causing problems at home and in buisness, towards the end of both i was clasping at straws to hold myself together and got in contact with my ex as she was the only person at the time that could relate having dealt with a lot herself, eventually i shut the buisness down and split up with my girlfriend simply to give myself more flexibility, as horrible as it sounds i just felt that both were holding me back and i had lost all love for either and needed to do something to stop her suffering because of my depression.

I now work for a small security firm stopping thieves in retail, i have been single for nearly a year and am itching to get back on a bike and earning my freedom by building it, i have 2 in the garden i have pulled off scrap yards with intention of building a little 125cc rat but my need for freedom is causing problems at work and everytime i look at the bikes my mind goes blank, my friends are trying to encourage me to build it so that i can go to the bulldog with them but i am slowly drifting back into my own little world keeping myself indoors more often than not drawing out concept bikes, chops and trikes, i guess as i sit here now writing this has helped a little and seeing this site is inspiring me more and more with every page to get out and build the blooming thing.

So at the ripe age of 26 yes i said 26 i feel more like 40 and you may see me around, just look for the rat bikes and a young'un with a patch on his right sleeve that says "arent you dead yet?", thanks for reading and i hope this helps someone or atleast i hope its bored the hell out of someone as im knackered now!

Thanks
Gabriel