going to work, and when they looked in the window, which always had really silly things in it, there was one chap asleep in amongst the displays, and a pair of legs sticking out from behind the counter!
In Gorleston, my first “Employee” was Titch. Titch couldn’t actually do a lot, but he was good at making tea and lifting things. Tony, The “Acle Ranger” appeared for a while, then Keith Watson joined. Brilliant engineer, but a man of few words. I think it was over a year before I got a full sentence out of him. Then Nutty Norman made an entrance. “Desperates” was about to start getting even sillier. Me, Keith and Nutty all worked together for several years. Nutty actually managed to get Keith to laugh one day!!! One afternoon, Nutty was working on his Triumph trike. He carefully laid out all the cables on the Guillotine. Keith came up to use it and didn’t notice them. Chop. He cut every one clean in half. A few days later, they had to cut some thick steel. It was a treadle guillotine. It was an awkward cut, and Keith had to hold the steel while Nutty jumped on the bar as hard as he could. Unfortunately, Keiths toes were under it. From then on he was called “BlackToe”. I accused Nutty of getting revenge for his severed cables by trying to sever Keith’s toes. Keith later went on to form “Flintstone Customs” in Norwich, and Nutty to build his own trikes. I went on to Leighton Buzzard, to go into partnership with Boots.
Boots…the ultimate Party Animal. He was President of the NCC at the time, and I was a Rep. Too much to recount about me and Boots, that would fill a book! Just look at him!
Boots knew a bloke called Flavell. That was his surname. It was years before we found out he had a first name, Iain. He was of Scottish descent, but had no sign of an accent until he got drunk, then he slurred at us in Scottese. Flav was to stay the longest of anyone. Bloody years. Flav was the most accident-prone fella I ever met. One day, he was changing a flourescant  tube, balancing on the roof beams and not using a ladder. I told him to be careful. “Oooow….CLUMP”. He’d fallen off the beam and landed on his back on my Rolls-Royce Merlin engine. Flav married a lovely lady. We called her “The Woman with the Big Hair”. We called Flav “The King of the Potato People”. Howard-the-TeaBoy took a picture of their wedding.
During my time in Leighton, we had a few people drop in and stay a while. Chris Sutcliffe was an excellent engineer, I was sorry to see him go. Mole appeared, and about this time Howard-the- TeaBoy asked if I’d give him a Saturday Job, saying he’d be happy to make the tea, as long as he had an excuse not to go shopping with his wife. The name stuck, and he also turned out to be an excellent photographer. A lot of his work was published in BSH! Howard developed a brain tumour and was given 18 months to live. “Bollocks to that” he said. That was over 6 years ago. He’s put a bit of weight on due to the treatment, but he’s still as mad as a hatter. (See Sir Patrick pic). Mole dropped in to do a bit, and Pete Fom Luton. Steve Cleaver, an extremely eccentric pipe-smoking electrician (utterly brilliant) was wiring everything, and my boy Matt started his “Apprenticeship”. He was to end up being a shit-hot machinist and welder.
The two nutters joined. OZ and Ferret. I might dedicate a page to this pair. Me and Lynne, Matt, OZ and Ferret all shared a house in Leighton Buzzard, and it was an extremely messy time. Oops…I’m nearly forgetting Twizzle, who would ride up from Bournemouth to help out!
At the new factory in Leighton, there was ConeHead, OZ, Bill-the-Polisher, Paul (who helped me out big-time when I started getting ill), Sarah-the-Secretary, Howard-The- Teaboy, Matt and….…Conrad. Conrad was of Indian descent, and suffered from Paranoid Schitzophrenia. No-one would employ him, as he’d run off and hide (he thought he was being followed), but was a mate of Pauls, so, as a favour, I set him on. He hadn’t always been that way. Used to ride a Rocket-3 and was a mechanic. If I asked him to clean the bogs, he’d almost burst into tears with gratitude. After years of having toilets too filthy to sit on, they now gleamed. He used to live in a flat above an Opticians. He turned up wearing a different pair of glasses everyday. But sometimes he wouldn’t come in because he’d spotted a group of Isreali terrorists waiting outside. He used to offer the lads some of his medication. I could tell if they’d said yes, because they went all wobbly. They used to put Porno mags in his toolbox. It used to embarrass him severely, and he’d try to sneak them out without us seeing. We called him Coonrad, or Mr. One Volt. Conrad was great. Finally, in Leighton, was the Traffic Warden. Whilst she didn’t actually work for me, she seemed to have a full-time job giving me and my customers tickets!
When I returned to Yarmouth, Matt and Flav followed, and Nutty came back. Big Kev joined too. And “My Boy Jim“. I think I’ll do a bit about him on the OZ and Ferret page.
So, that’s about it for the Ex-Desperates. There were quite a few of them. Several “Wandering Minstrels” just passing through on the “Long Journey of Life”. Mole once commented “I thought EVERYONE worked at Desperates at some point in their lives”.I loved them all. If I missed you out, let me know.
Some not pictured; Dirty Dick. Herbie. Mick. Big Kev. Oooooh and Aaaaah.